At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
