After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
Been trying to fuck him since december. Finally got him into bed and he was uncircumcised. Why do bad things happen to good people?
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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