I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
Randomize