either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
whose parrot is this?
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
This toilet bowl is my home.
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