this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
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