i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
eating raw peppers to burn the taste of semen out of my mouth
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
