Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
I really don't understand how I cannot figure out how to work a fucking can opener when I'm hungover. Yet I still retained the ability to take a perfectly symmetrical picture of my erect penis and send it to every person in Matt's contacts the night before.
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
And apparently midway I said "hurry up and finish so we can talk about what a bad idea this was"
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Randomize