I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I just gift wrapped bread.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
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