Was it a mistake telling him I couldn't get the abortion until I was 2 months along on the first date?
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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