they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
Because sadly the idea of me having a girlfriend is crazy enough to be an April fools prank
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
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