Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
I let him do a line off my nipple in exchange for his prescription pain pills. I feel like 3/4 Vegas stripper, 1/4 underbelly of society.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
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