I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
THEY SHOULD WARN YOU WHEN THEY MAKE JELLO SHOTS WITH JACK DANIELS!!! THEY SHOULD WARN YOU!!!!!!!
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
Also, there's the possibility of falling 5 feet to your death to make it more exciting
In which case I will yell FIVE SECOND RULE and continue to slam you
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize