I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
We both paused during sex to do the clap during the Friends theme song. Soulmates.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
Randomize
