Bea Arthur died! :(
What?
Big bird passed.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
