last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
woke up this morning with a big mac and chips on a plate, coke in a glass and a knife and fork AND NAPKIN waiting for me in front of my computer. PORN WAS ALREADY PLAYING. I LOVE DRUNK ME
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
Randomize
