stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You're breaking my sexual little heart
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
Randomize
