He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Randomize
