Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
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