I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Tempting guys with beer and cheese. How Midwestern are we?
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
