i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
Both of us came out of our rooms at the same time in boxers and sat on the couch. No words were spoken.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
