my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
we've got reservations. ask for the eat a bag of dicks table
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
I am seriously only coming over if there are McNuggets. I want 10 bitch. Honey mustard.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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