Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
we were frolicking through a fountain of pizza rolls. it was like the best dream i ever had
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
I just want this to serve as a reminder in the morning that the topic of conversation at last call was the penis size of jesus.
Randomize
