Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
You're worse than that girl who made out with her cousin at that party
That was you...
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I am so stoned. And there are so many white people in this Jack in the Box.
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
Randomize
