I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
So much rum. So many feels.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Randomize
