Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I’ll call you later. There’s a jilted trophy wife looking for a revenge fuck at my door
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