drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
"This must be what Jayden Smith feels like all the time"
Did we just second hand smoke crack?
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
