It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
Randomize
