We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
Some guy just showed up at my door to return my bikini top. EXPLAIN NOW
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
try to milk me bitch
Randomize