you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
Randomize
