his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
You can't just leave with hair like that
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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