I'm passing your future prison.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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