I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
