Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
can u get pink eye on your cock?
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Randomize
