how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I just woke up to a ten minute voicemail of you sobbing about the X-Men. Stop getting drunk and watching Marvel movies.
BUT WOLVERINE IS SO TORMENTED AND JUST WANTS TO BE LOVED
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
you have to get here a cop came into the bar and she looks like Sarah Palin. I think I'm gonna try and bang her
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