Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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