why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
When I was drunk texting him about three ways he seemed more interested in just seeing me. And that's when I knew something was wrong with him
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
Randomize
