well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I just bought us acid. I'm like the drug tooth fairy. Get ready to wake up with a sweattart of acid under your pillow.
fucked a girl in the dry storage closet at work. knocked over a whole rack of tomato paste and pinto beans. and also i really hope my manager doesn't review this footage from the security camera
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
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