Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Homegirl just dropped a candle on the floor major party foul. Thought it make you feel better.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Randomize
