just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Putting the night light in my bathroom cabinet was the best idea ever. Awesome for puking while light sensitive
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
All of our toilets in my house are broken. Thank God I've practiced peeing in the sink enough.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
Found your bra in my backseat. And yes it took me that long to finally clean it out from last weekend
Didn't even know it was missing, if that makes you feel any better
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