Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
Randomize
