Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
yeah I woke up in jail with two different shoes on and neither of them were mine
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
