i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I'm hungover from the 8pm vodka and still drunk from the 5am beer.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
