I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Randomize
