Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
