I hate all girls vehemently.
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
yeah, its right past the deli mart where i showed my right tit for mozzarella sticks.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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