He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
If you value your immune system buddy, walk away from that one.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Best part of leaving the university? Interns are as hot as my former students, not legally off limits, and they will do anything for a full time job.
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
