MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Its like her house is inhabited by 50 year old lesbian water color artists with a throw pillow fetish
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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