You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Feel like I died but someone put me In a human microwave and I got back to life.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i now understand why vodka
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