Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I don't need inspirational quotes. If I'm going to be motivated, it will be by anger and spite.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
