I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
