What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
It was so romantic--he turned me around to face the sunset during doggy-style over the couch back.
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
