i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
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