Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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