I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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