Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I stopped his blowjob to raise 3 fingers & whistle the hunger games tune to the people walking past the window
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize