A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
Randomize
