So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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