I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
She told me she was going to ride me so hard i would cum the ghosts of my ancestors...its gonna be a good time
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
does the cute hipster in the kitchen belong to you?
if not i want to bang those glasses off his face
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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