Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
I just dropped off shoes at Mike's hotel. The chick he hooked up with last night stole his phone and shoes.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
