Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
On the back of that comment, I've formed a theory that as a result of my brainwashing your drunk self actually believes that beards are your calling.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Who else will cuddle and watch the Bachelor with me then finger bang me during the rose ceremony
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Randomize
