So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
Randomize