buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
