If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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