Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
I drunkenly called my ex on Skype last night and didn't talk, just smiled real big at him until I fell asleep.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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