so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Is it weird that I noticed my lower half feels strange and then further realized it's bc I'm wearing underwear to bed for the first time in weeks..maybe months?
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
Randomize