Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Randomize
