Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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