Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Just got done fucking the squirter chick. She came when we were in a 69. I now know what it's like to be water boarded.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
Randomize
