If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Vegas should really enforce the buddy system because if not everyone is going to end up swimming during the water show in front of the Bellagio.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize