Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
this will be a night to untag.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Randomize
