he wouldnt have sex with me because his guild had a misson on world of warcraft.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
