He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Randomize