If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
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