Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
I'm graduating. Then you'll never see me again.
We better fuck soon then
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
