So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
I am assuming I was his dirty Mardi Gras mistake and I can live with that
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
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